A Love That Perseveres
by William Batson

Joe operated on the assumption that if the pilot light goes out, the furnace won't heat. If the love is gone, it's gone. Many people like Joe feel that when the emotion vanishes, the marriage is over, terminated, finished, kaput.

A lasting marriage is energized by a steady flow of a special kind of love between partners. I call it a "Christ-like love." It is the same kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13.

Christ-like love is realistic, whereas romantic love is idealistic. God loves us even though He knows us thoroughly. He loves us despite our faults and sins. We read in Romans 5:8 these words: "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." For Joe and Carol’s marriage to persevere, they must accept each other’s inability to perfectly fulfill all of their expectations.

Christ-like love is basically willful. God willfully chose to love us. This kind of love is not without emotion, but it doesn't depend on emotion. It involves a choice. Marriages that persevere and thrive are those where spouses choose to be patient and overlook insignificant issues. They choose to forgive and release grudges in order to build a hedge of protection around their love.

Another characteristic of Christ-like love is that it is sacrificial. The Apostle Paul writes: "Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). That is a one-way kind of action: giving with the possibility of not getting anything in return. During times of stress or sickness, one spouse may be demanding more than he/she is supplying. It will take some sacrificial loving to get over those spots.

Christ-like love is something you do. It is motion, not just emotion. You decide to be kind, patient, trusting, even when you don’t feel love for your spouse. Joe was able to save his marriage by applying this principle.

Charles Sell tells a story that is too good to be true. But it does teach a very important lesson. A man hated his wife so much he desperately wanted out of the marriage. He described the situation to the divorce lawyer. "Do you hate her that much?", the lawyer questioned. "Yes," the man confirmed his contempt. "Would she like a divorce?" asked the lawyer. "Yes, that would be no problem; she wants out, too," the wife hater said.

"Divorcing her now is not a very wise thing to do," the lawyer advised, conning his client. He then went on to explain his plan. If the man hated her so much, divorcing her would only make her happy. That was hardly a good way to get even. Going back home, he should do everything he could to make his wife love him. Be a perfect husband. "Then, after she is passionately in love with you, file for divorce." Venomous hatred seething in his innards, the husband was ecstatic over this plan. He left the office with a cool determination to put it into effect immediately.

The end of the story is not hard to guess. When his wife responded in love to his generous, thoughtful behavior, he just wasn't about to divorce her. They lived happily ever after.

The message is a powerful one. The kind of love that solidifies into the toughest bond of marriage is primarily characterized by Christ-likeness. If you cultivate your marital love in this way, the bond will be richer and stronger.

(William Batson is Director of Vision New England's Family Builders Ministries.)

© 1998 William Batson