How to Rekindle Love
by William Batson

What can you do if you find yourself in a marriage characterized by unrealistic expectations, faulty communication, unending power struggles, and poisonous emotions? How do you rekindle dedication and enthusiasm for a marriage whose light has dimmed because of the long-term effect of these negative patterns?

First, you need to believe that it can be done, especially with the Lord’s help. I cannot predict the future of a particular relationship, but many couples are able to repair and strengthen the most lifeless and frustrating marriages.

Second, you must really be willing to work at it, because it will take sustained work before the feelings of dedication and enthusiasm return. This is sometimes where couples become overwhelmed. The effort seems colossal and the results insignificant. You will have to work against your present feelings and some tendencies that now exist in the relationship if you are to see long-term positive results.

A strategy Jesus gave to Christians whose love and enthusiasm for Him had diminished, can help couples breathe life into their marriages. Jesus told them, "Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first" (Revelation 2:5, NIV). Rooted in this verse, the authors of A Lasting Promise (Stanley, Trathen, McCain, Bryan; Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1998) suggest this plan:

• Remember What You Used to Have Together. What were things like when you first met? What attracted you to each other? What did you do on your first date? What kinds of things did you do for fun? Do you still do any of these things?  Most couples find this kind of reminiscing enjoyable and enlightening. It reminds you that at one time you had some pretty great feelings for one another. This step can be an attempt to regain an appetite or desire for the relationship.
  

• Repent: Decide to Turn Things Around. You can do this whether or not your partner is willing to; although making a commitment to do it together is far better. This is fundamentally a decision of your will.  Repentance means to change your mind and your direction. Most people have enough control over their own lives to make a decision and stick with it when they want something badly enough. This step brings the Lord into the equation as you ask Him for help in turning things around.

• Repeat the Things You Did at First. The point is simple but the impact can be profound. Early in a relationship couples talk more as friends, do more fun things together, are more forgiving, and are more likely to look for the good and not the bad in the other.  The things you do to renew and restore life in your marriage are the same things couples can do to avert marital distress and divorce in the first place. What you must supply, with the Lord’s help, is the willingness to act.

God loves you and cares about your marriage and family. Our hope is not in ourselves. It is in Jesus Christ. As Proverbs 3: 5 says: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Your marriage can survive and thrive by following these practical and power principles for rekindling your love.