by William Batson

The relationship between Jesus and God the Father is an excellent model for building healthy relationships within the family. At the baptism of Jesus, God takes the time to validate his Son as a person, as a member of the eternal family. As Jesus came up out of the water there was a conspicuous rending of the heavens and the Holy Spirit descended upon him like a dove. The Gospel of Mark tells us that a voice from heaven spoke: "You are my son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased" (Mark 1:11, NIV). Basically, God is saying: "I claim you; I love you; I am proud of you." To belong, to be loved, and to be praised are indispensable components for healthy relationships.

The need to belong is basic in each of us. It gives us a sense of identity. We know who we are and no one can take that identity from us. If that need is not met, we wander as unclaimed souls. Often at the root of emotional disturbance is alienation, which is to be cut adrift from human identity and belong to no one.

When God says, "You are my son," Jesus' family identity is affirmed. Each of us needs a sense of family. We know who we are by our family names. This may not always be a positive experience. A few years ago at the National Prayer Breakfast held in Washington, DC, Congressman Tribble told of how wherever his little daughter went, she was constantly being associated with him. People would say, "Oh, you must be Congressman Tribble's little girl." She quietly explained to her parents that she wanted to be herself, not just known as someone else's daughter. Her father told her not to worry about it. Her mother, on the other hand, who was more understanding, said to her, "The next time that happens, just stand right up and say, 'I am Constance Tribble!'" A few days later, a group of people met her and when they heard her name, they said, "Why, Congressman Tribble must be your father!" The little girl looked right at them and said, "Oh no! That's not what my mother says!"

God gives to Jesus the assurance, "You are my son...I claim you. You belong to me." This reveals that Jesus is not only the natural Son of God, but he is also the chosen Son of God. You may know the hurt of not being the chosen son or daughter of your parents. You may know the piercing pain of abandonment as an orphan. You may feel the anguish of rejection even while continuing as a member of the family.

When God claims Jesus as his Son by choice as well as by nature, he sets the stage for our adoption into the family of God. By nature, we are not the sons and daughters of God. Sin so separates us from God that we are unclaimed orphans. But, God's affirmation to us is that through faith in Christ Jesus we belong to him: "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God" (John 1:12, NIV). We are to whom we belong.

To belong gives us our sense of identity, but we need to be loved for our security. Imagine the strength of security Jesus felt as he heard the words, "You are my Son, whom I love."

Tragedy stalks any relationship where belonging is without love. Dale Galloway tells of a husband and wife interviewing a little boy they wanted to adopt. In glowing terms they described the many things they could give him. To their amazement, the little boy said, "If you have nothing to offer except a good home, clothes, toys, and the other things most kids have, I would just as soon stay here." "What on earth could you want besides those things?" the woman asked. "I just want someone to love me," replied the little boy.

Love is severely tested in human relationships. A son may choose to rebel and forsake his parents. A daughter may make choices that lead to disaster. A parent may withhold love and acceptance from a child. A spouse may attack with words that wound the soul.

In family relationships there is an immense need for an unchanging, uncon-ditional love that endures. A young husband stood by the hospital bed of his wife as they listened to the doctor tell how, in order to remove a tumor, he had to sever a facial nerve that controlled the muscles of her mouth. She asked the doctor, "Will my mouth always be like this?" The doctor said yes. The husband looked at his wife, smiled, and said that he found her mouth "kind of cute." Then he bent over and kissed her, twisting his own lips to meet hers.

Another component of healthy relationships is praise. Praise releases a sense of confidence in our lives. Jesus heard these words: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." The Scriptures reinforce the idea of praise. One example is where the Apostle Paul cautions us to "not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29).

We are often quick to criticize, but slow to praise. This is particularly true with those who are closest to us. Parents will tend to transfer their unattained dreams to their children as unrealistic aspirations. To compound the error, we either fail to praise them for their own achievements or we criticize them for not measuring up to our expectations.

When God says to his Son, "I am proud of you," he commends his character, honors his achievements, and encourages him for the future. Family members grow faster in the direction of our praise than in the path of our criticism.

Three indispensable components of a healthy relationship are a sense of identity, a sense of security, and a sense of confidence. Work on applying these components in relationships with your family and friends. Affirm them by saying and showing that you claim them, love them, and are proud of them.

(William Batson is Director of Vision New England's Family Builders Ministries.)

© 1997 William Batson

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