"Teaching Our Children to Choose Life"
by William Batson

A virus of violence seems to plague the American landscape. And the alarming fact is that our children are becoming killers of others and themselves.

I sat stunned and overwhelmed in front of my television on April 20 as scenes of the massacre at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado were transmitted into my home. Two high school seniors executed a teacher and 12 of their classmates, seriously injured dozens more, and then turned their weapons on themselves. They forever emblazoned their horrific deed on the hearts and minds of hundreds of others in their school and in our nation.

The next day I attended the funeral of an eighteen-year-old man who had died of a drug overdose. I knew him when he was younger and his family attended my church. When he was seven I baptized him. He was so excited about his faith in Jesus that he came running down the aisle wanting to be baptized again. As he grew older he made life choices that led to drug abuse, a correctional institution, and his own death.

What a waste! Our children are killing other children and themselves. What is happening and what can we do about it?

David Grossman, writing in Christianity Today ("Trained to Kill", August 10, 1998, pg. 31-39), outlined how he believes we are teaching our children to be killers in a similar fashion to how the military teaches reluctant trainees to become killers.

The first step is desensitization. In boot camp the inductee is faced with brutal conditions designed to break down existing values and impart new ones, including a culture of violence. This is not very different from what happens to an 18-month-old who begins to be fed a diet of videos, cartoons, and movies in which somebody is shot, stabbed, raped, or murdered.

Classical conditioning provides a link between violence and pleasure as children are allowed to watch a diet of murder and mayhem while munching on popcorn & goodies. TV and movie violence destroys the immune system of children who are not natural born killers.

Military personnel are trained to shoot to kill when the target pops suddenly into view. This is known as operant conditioning. The same thing occurs when a child plays a violent point-and-shoot video game. He is learning the same reflexes as military personnel. Forty percent of American households have video game systems and the children who play them devote an average of 90 minutes a day to the activity. Perhaps more disturbing than the time spent are the games of choice: 50% of 7^th & 8^th graders who were polled say they prefer violent games over sports, entertainment, or education ("Whatever Happened to Pong?", youthculture@2000, Fall 1998, pg. 6-7). Many children when asked why they killed replied that it wasn't suppose to happen "that way."

I decided a long time ago that I want to train my children to value their lives and the lives of others. Cindy and I have sought to build protective walls around our children to help them in their life choices. Moses gave the Israelites the following advice before they entered the land of promise: "When you build a new house, make a parapet around your roof so that you may not bring the guilt of bloodshed on your house if someone falls from the roof" (Deuteronomy 22:8). A parapet is a wall around the roof designed to keep someone from falling off the roof. But if someone did fall, the owner would not be held guilty if he had built a wall to protect the lives of those in his home. As parents we can not just let our children raise themselves. They are not miniature adults. They lack discernment and wisdom.

We must protect our children. Here are some practical suggestions that can be helpful:

1. Pray for your children's safety. That includes making your home a place of safety for them. Too many homes are so violent that kids in them are afraid to be at home, so they hang-out on the streets.
2. Tell your children how valuable they are and how unique their lives are. We can help our children to understand that our lives are not our own to do with as we please. Our lives belong to God because He is the author of life. We must teach our children the truth that Jesus will give us the grace to face whatever comes our way.
3. Make a commitment that you will not allow your children to absorb hours of violence on TV. Keep it off as much as possible and supervise the content when it is on. Remember, you are the parent. You bought the TV, you pay the cable bill, and you pay for the house the TV is in. We have never allowed our children to have a TV in their rooms since that made it more difficult for us to monitor.
4. Parents who have children playing video games should know three things: how much they play; what games they are playing; and what lessons they are learning as they play.
5. Make it a family rule that no one goes to bed angry (Ephesians 4:26). Seek healthy ways of resolving differences so that bitterness and resentment will not get a chance to take root. We need to make our home a place of love, acceptance, and forgiveness.
6. Teach your children the link between anger and violence. There are plenty of examples. Children must learn to respect others even when they are different.
7. Warn your children against resorting to their own revenge for wrongs done (Romans 12:19-21).

As parents and adults responsible for the lives of children, we've got to build a wall around the roofs of our houses to prevent our children from falling off. The best thing we can do is to lead our children to accept Jesus Christ as their Savior. He is the life-giver. It is in Him that they can find hope, value, and self-control.

The only hope America has for restoring families and giving hope to our children is for Christian families to model and teach the value of life. Will you teach your children to choose life?

(William Batson is Director of Vision New England's Family Builders Ministries.)

© 1999 William Batson