Vermont Church Designs a Successful Marriage-Mentoring Program – by Katey Walker

Starting a marriage-mentoring program wasn’t even on my radar when I started lobbying for a family ministry at our church. I had lots of other ideas! But that was my pastor’s first assignment.  I was at a loss for where to begin and full of questions.  As we considered these questions over the next few months and learned more about mentoring, a vision and plan came into focus.  Now, three years later, I feel it’s the most successful and exciting program I’ve ever been involved in.

One of our first major decisions was to focus on mentoring couples with basically healthy relationships in their first five years of marriage - to build them up proactively rather than patch up problems later.  Couples with troubled marriages can also benefit from a mentoring relationship, but it’s a very different and much more complicated process.  We also decided to pair up couples one-on-one rather than using small groups.  This provides maximum adaptability in scheduling, locations, and materials.  It also involves a lot more “older” couples as mentors, which has blessed their marriages as well, and created a group that can encourage and support one another in their ministry.

The training program was developed by our senior pastor and consists of four two-hour sessions, with a handbook for notes, assignments, and resources. About half the time is spent studying foundational biblical passages on marriage.  The remaining time includes the why and how of mentoring, discussion of common issues in marriage, and practical information on how to get started.

Though mentoring pairs have total flexibility in setting up their schedule and program, we’ve found that the most successful relationships have started with a basic Bible study on marriage, meeting every other week. This is a good way to get to know one another.  By the time the study is done, most couples feel safe enough to start digging into issues of particular interest or concern.

Once mentors have been trained and paired up, it’s still important for them to keep in touch.  This includes checking in periodically to see how things are going and getting together as a group to share ideas and encourage one another.  We also look for opportunities to encourage them to grow in their own marriages.  Last year we offered a discount for mentor couples at a church-sponsored retreat and this year we are offering a video course on marriage ministry.

The response in most cases has been very positive. Younger couples have appreciated the opportunity to focus on building their marriages and are pleased to have someone they can go to with questions and concerns. Mentor couples have been surprised at how much they learn and have found great value in reflecting on their own marriages. Our most encouraging statistic has been that couples that finish up a mentoring relationship are generally looking forward to starting another!

Last year I was part of the following email exchange, which really sums up why I’m involved in marriage mentoring.  The first was a request by a younger couple wanting to be mentored:  “Several weeks ago you called and asked if my husband and I would like to be mentored by an older and more experienced couple in the church.  I spoke with Anne today and mentioned some of the issues that my husband and I have been struggling with recently and she strongly encouraged me to join this program.  She stated that it helped her marriage tremendously.”  I forwarded this message to Anne’s mentor couple and got this reply:  “Thanks for the feedback.  Anne and I were talking about that just the other day.  It just goes to show that the Lord can work if you just are willing to show up.  My husband and I agree we didn’t do that much.  But God was working in their hearts, evidently, and used these sessions to get them thinking about things.  Too cool!”

(Author:  Katey Walker is the Family Ministry Coordinator for Valley Bible Church in White River Junction, VT.  For more information she can be reached at 802-439-6268 or email her: dwalker@together.net)

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